As the nation is ravaged by shrinkflation, with chips, cookies, and sodas all cutting down in size as prices shoot up, one industry is offering more bang for your buck.
Movies.
There’s no doubt movies have gotten longer post-COVID, with seemingly every new release stretching well past the two-hour mark.
Unfortunately, Biden’s Inflation Reduction Act didn’t include an infrastructure provision to increase the size of the human bladder, so people are left needing to dip out during a feature.
And the biggest film of the holiday season, Wicked, clocks in at 2:46, a length of time lots of people fear that can’t hold it for. People about to go see it are desperate to know when the appropriate time to slip away would be.
One might think this would be where TikTok would come to the rescue, full of helpful tips, but instead, the site is engaged in a furious debate.
Everyone is picking the wrong moment, for the wrong reasons.
MildWicked spoilers ahead, but … if you are reading this, you likely already know everything that happens.
No one agrees when to use the bathroom during ‘Wicked’
The two top favorites for the site to pee are “A Sentimental Man,” Jeff Goldblum’s solo number, and “Something Bad” where Dr. Dilliman informs animals of the disturbing happenings in Oz.
One user filmed themselves sprinting back with the caption, “Me running back to the theatre after peeing during ‘Something Bad,’ *the obvious wicked potty break*”
But not everyone agreed with her conclusion.
“sentimental man is definitely the bathroom break song,” replied one.
Others were upset that the poster was skipping out on an essential element of the plot in that song (which only matters if someone’s never seen or listened to the musical).
“That song is crucial to the plot and elphaba’s character development the right answer is going during sentimental man lol.”
However, “The Sentimental Man” stans were equally adamant one should not leave the movie then.
"NO!!!! This song is so important for the plot and helps establish the wizards charter and helps to show just how manipulative and self absorbed he really is,” said one video.
It’s also much later in the movie.
“also sentimental man means there's like 20ish minutes left like hold it at that point if you can tbh.”
While a small contingent argued for "I'm Not That Girl," that choice was also deemed fraught, with one posting "Skipping anything with Cynthia singing is insane."
But the idea of peeing at all was also met with horror.
“Why has the liquid not escaped from your eyes. Why do you have the capacity to pee,” asked one user. “if you were really into it, you would have already cried out your pee.”
Others lamented the fact that movies no longer had intermissions, which was met with cheeky comments that there was one, and moviegoers had an entire year to use the bathroom before the next installment—Wicked Part 2, next December—drops.
Perhaps there is one ‘correct’ answer?
But one user may have settled the debate entirely with an ingenious, if objectively gross, solution.
“You're all wrong," the video starts, saying not to skip “I’m Not That Girl or “A Sentimental Man,” but an extremely popular song, “What Is This Feeling.”
“But Collin,” the TikToker mocks the rebuttals to his point. “That's one of the best musical numbers in the entire movie."
Yes, they agree, but “That entire musical number, in high definition, is on YouTube on the Wicked Movie Official account.”
The recommendation goes on to suggest not that you watch it before, or even afterward, but… during. In the stall. While you go.
"This is actually the only correct take,” responded one.
And though the debate may never be settled, there is one agreed-upon wrong time to go pee.
“Someone in front of me left at the beginning of one short day and I’m still thinking about how…”
We won’t finish the quote but if you know, you know that’s the wrong time to go.
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